Gates of Horn

Breath

Aaaah... DONE WITH PHYSICS FINAL AND GENETICS/MOLEC. BIO FINAL!!!!!

I have no idea how I did, and frankly, I do not care. Heh heh heh. I am freeeeeee....!

You know, I have a paper journal. It's sitting in the 3rd drawer of the bureau thing to my left, and I wish I wrote in it more often, except...typing's just so much faster. And opening a browser is easier than opening a drawer. Ah, the laziness of me. Still, I often wonder...what's going to last longer? This electronical, detached system of hundreds and hundreds of users like me, or the sheaths of paper bound together with cheap glue and thread that only I will open? I'm trying to figure out what's more genuine: here you can always edit mistakes with a few clicks and the backspace button, in my paper journal there's crossouts and misspellings and godawful handwriting. I think I'm also less coherent.

Ironic, really...it's easier to get thoughts down in type, but writing by hand is supposed to be more personalized, more...stable. I guess I have an inherent fear of being lost to the centuries, and I want the things I say to have some permanence. The net's infamous for its transience, and here I am, pouring out my heart to it. *insert a puzzled emoticon*

*ponder* But then again, paper crumbles and falls to dust with time. I'm not fooling myself: that little paper journal's got nothing which would interest future historians, and it'd probably be lost forever after I'm gone.^^; So the point is moot, I will remain a little nonentity in this teeming polluted ocean of humankind, krill amongst krill. But at least I've made a bit of impact in my own krillish way...I think if I were to die, there would be people to miss me. And in the end, that's all the immortality we can hope for.

And dang, I am just cranking out the heavy thought lately, aren't I?0_o Maybe it was the Chinese foodcart. And I feel like I ought to be playing German music in the background or something, because in the timeless words of Sherlock Holmes:

"German music is introspective, and I want to introspect."

posted by Yayoi @ 4/30/2004 03:14:00 PM

Me

I'm a cynical, overly-serious 19 year old with very little social life, swamped in academics and stressing about difficult finals, occasionally petty, too often jealous, too often thoughtless. My idea of a good time is curling up with a book or with a manga, watching anime, writing stories, drawing pictures (inspired by manga/anime/stories), and talking to my one online friend or my four RL friends. I like rings and clear blue skys and wind blowing through my hair. I like tea and food and animals and looking at cute little kids (dealing with them, er....). I like art and beauty and thought. I like my wacky sister, my understanding mom, my exasperating kid brothers, my typically Asian father. I admire logic, intelligence, open-mindedness, neatness, and detail. When I read a tale or write one myself, I find significance in the littlest of things, I enjoy coming up with explanations and theories, I have a backstory for everything. I am not affiliated with any religion. I have not yet fallen in love. I raise my eyebrows at romance-is-a-cure-all, join-this-group-and-all-your-troubles-will-fly-away, we-are-better-than-everyone-who-isn't-us, I-don't-like-this-person-just-because.

Have a little more faith in yourself. I am socially inept, a terrible conversationalist, I have few friends. I've never been to a nightclub, my grades aren't as high as I'd like them to be. I have a nasty temper. I'm flawed. But I'm at peace. Life has never been so good, because look, I'm alive. Tomorrow I'll take these dumb finals, and groan about how they were hard. And then I'll come home, maybe open a can of milk tea, complain to my roommate about the weather, and get all excited with my one online friend about a new collab fic. Why are we alive? To keep on living. The contentment is there, right in front of you, reach out and grab it. There's no need to search for the ineffable something. Look to the sky, even when it's raining. You'll find that a rainy sky is beautiful too.

posted by Yayoi @ 4/28/2004 02:38:00 PM