How inconsiderate of my watch
It broke. :p
I was bizzarely tired all day and kept taking these naps until finally at 6ish I said "Screw it" and left my room for the fine arts library. Then followed an hour and 1/2 of frantic photocopying until 15 minutes to closing time, after which I relocated to Van Pelt (the main library). This one closed an hour later, so I went all over the place trying to find the elusive Word and Image journal, felt like a total dork because for some reason the Library of Congress system (maybe it's just bias from the rest of my life, but I like Dewey decimal better) was beyond me today, and I actually needed a librarian to help me find the stupid thing. Oh, humiliation.
But then I got to fiddle around with the moving bookshelves. Now that was fun, except I kept having this fear that someone would open another shelf (thereby closing mine), and the emergency silver rail would malfunction, and I'd be between the rapidly narrowing shelves screaming, "STOP! Don't close it! I'm still in here!"
Nightmarish, isn't it?
And now I'm reading all my photocopies and finding them singularly unhelpful for my art history paper. Go figure. Still, it reminds me of how amusing scholarly debate really is. Everyone's so caught up in their own very specialized fields, and they gnaw on these conundrums like dogs on a bone, when the rest of the world could really care less. :p Like the headdown movements in cowbirds. Like the scene in the Bayeux Tapestry with that mysterious accompanying text, "Where a clerk and Aelfgyva..." What do the headdowns mean? What was going on with that clerk and Aelfgyva??
After a while, scholars scratch their heads and then shrug and move onto something they can actually write about, like female cowbirds controlling the sex ratio and the effects of patronage on the Bayeux Tapestry. Of course, they're only talking to themselves, because the rest of the world can't pronounce "Bayeux" and think cowbirds are some weird feathered bovines. ;)
Scholars are out of touch with the masses, and dang, we're proud of it.XD
Hatachi
I was going to title this entry "The sky all over grey," but that was earlier, when I came home tired and cranky but trying not to be, since today is my 20th birthday, and I have every right to be happy.
But the morning dawned a drab, uniform grey, and it didn't even rain, which would have made things exciting. The sky made me feel more tired than I already was, but I was distracted from it by a good morning message, wishing me happy birthday. So I reminded myself that I was 20, and set out for class.
But you know how one little thing can just really bug you? Like, really bug you and drag you down, especially when you're already feeling down but just trying not to be? So I was answering a question posed by my art history prof, and since he was sitting right next to me, I spoke a little quietly. Then this one girl, who is sort of universally but politely and discreetly disliked by the entire class for her attitude, suddenly just burst out with, "You know, NO ONE can hear what you're saying," with this roll of her eyes and the tone of voice designed to make you feel like an idiot. I don't know, normally if you can't hear someone, wouldn't you say something like, "I'm sorry, I can't really hear you"? And wouldn't you try to be nicer about it? On top of that, there was no way I'm missing the trip to Glencairn museum, but why did they have to reschedule it to a day when I have my orgo exam?
So I was pissed, but it was a stupid thing to be pissed about, so I tried to put it out of my mind with the whole, "It's my birthday" mantra. Which worked until I got to Japanese, where I encountered the figurative "saigo no" straw. And it was over something even more ridiculous than a girl who doesn't know how to speak politely. It was over the times shown on our watches. I set mine 5 minutes early (or so I thought), and so when my sensei asked me what time it was, I read it wrong and said 5 to 12, when it was really only something like...1 to 12. And for some reason everyone just got on my case for the wrong time. And there was this guy, who had the most annoying laugh because he just laughed at EVERYTHING, especially when he encounters this Japanese custom he thinks is weird or funny, until after a while I'm just like, "What the f*** do you find so hilarious about someone else's culture and language?" And of course he laughed today too.
I was such an idiot, I cried.
But then you know what happened? My Japanese sensei noticed and after class I explained about how it was my birthday and about that girl. She was understanding like all good teachers are, didn't call me childish because a part of me still clung to the myth that things should turn out great on your birthday, and eventually we got to talking about Japanese, a language I love.
After that, I went and attended a primate behavior talk by Dr. Joan Silk, whom I've never heard of because I'm embarrassingly behind on my article readings for the field I want to study. She was looking at coalitions between female baboons in Moremi and Amboseli (both in Kenya, which is EAST Africa, not South -_-), and even though some of the stuff went over my head, it was still really fascinating, and I've put her on the "must-read-scientists" list.
Then I went to feed the cowbirds, and when I opened the door to the lab, I saw this box on the table. It turned out my prof had taken the time to buy me a box of "European chocolates" and wished me happy birthday on a folded piece of printer paper. It's on the desk next to me right now, and I'm eating the chocolates piece by piece (there's four flavors with two of each: chocolate fudge sundae, keylime pie, tiramisu, and white chocolate souffle). I recall standing and staring in amazement for 1/2 second before breaking out into a laugh. He didn't have to get me chocolates. He only found out about my birthday yesterday, but he went out and bought it for me anyway.
Then I left the building, and tried to have lunch at a good Indian restaurant. They were, predicably, closed, so I had to make do with an inferior one. Their food wasn't as piping hot, and their bread (I can never remember the freakin' name, it's embarrassing) wasn't as good, but they still had damned good lamb. And chicken. And rice. I also made a boo-boo because I tried to pay my 6 buck bill with my debit card, since I neglected to read the sign: "Minimum amount for credit card: $15.00." They were nice about it though, and told me to watch out next time. But this is one of those things where you still feel like an idiot, especially since the people were nice.
I went home, reminding myself that I had chocolate. Then I saw that Marya had commented on my last entry, wishing me happy birthday in that charming, instantly recognizable way she had (you type like you talk, Marya, and I can hear you over the net^^). I also saw that Majo had devoted an entire one-line LJ post to wishing me happy birthday, and it was apparently making her late for work. :p She also left a message on my answering machine, from the mall, in hopes for advice on whether or not I'd like a possible gift (dude, the point is to surprise me^_~).
How could I have forgotten, and how could I have let myself be distracted by one thoughtless comment? Birthdays are when you celebrate being born, celebrate having survived one more year, celebrate the gift of life awarded to you. And the only true measure of a "good" birthday is whether or not you have people besides yourself who remember it, thereby remembering you. Birthdays are when you are reminded that life is worth living, because people think about you, and will grieve when you're gone.
So thanks, friends, family, and professors, for a very happy 20th birthday.^_^
Zankoku na Tenshi
No, it's not gonna be a rant, I'm just listening to the EVA OP right now. :p (The subject means "Cruel Angel.")
But speaking of rants, my prof and I bond by ranting about the state of the world on the way to work, it's kinda funny. I am so tired, I don't think this is going to be coherent. Tomorrow I'm going to be 20, and that's kind of weird. That means I've been alive for 1/2 of 40 years. I think I still think I'm 16.
Tomorrow (and maybe later) will be contemplation. But now I'm going to take a nap, despite the fact that I just polished off the last of the cheesecake and it's sitting in my stomach like a lump, digesting. SLEEEEEEEP........
**EDIT** Boku no mado ni wa
My hands smell like honey dijon and chicken. I need to wash them again, because while honey dijon chicken and roasted pepper pita smell wonderful while you're eating, for some reason it's just nasty when it lingers on your hands.@_@
So I met with my language partner and a classmate from Japanese, along with my language partner's friend, and we had a two hour long dinner in which we miscommunicated in our respective 2nd (or 3rd, in my case) languages. :P I speak too polite, according to them.^^; I'll have to start using the plain form, which I love anyway, so it's all good. Japanese, I'm reminded everyday, is truly a beautiful language.
So in closing, might as well...quote from "Zen" again! XD Shinu hodo ikite yaru. Go, go yuuhi kirisakete. = "I'll live to my fullest. Go, go, cut through the sunset."
One day I'm gonna try to transliterate that song, and then translate it. Cuz it's too damn cool not to have lyrics.XD
And ACK! It's almost 9 again! Shower! Homework! ART HISTORY PAPER!! *runs away screaming*
Oh yeah...**END EDIT**
Aw, fuck
(The following is a rant on the Bush administration's slashing of sex-ed funding. Feel free to skip to the part after the asterisks, where I talk about my life.)
I know this is old news, but anyone know the current status on this issue?
Yeah, ok, condoms don't work. Wow. I'm so pissed off. I'm so pissed off my fingers are starting to tremble over the keyboard because there's so much I want to just scream about but I can't type fast enough.
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, CONDOMS DON'T WORK TO PREVENT AIDS AND OTHER STDS???
Sex-ed is necessary. You can cover your eyes and ears all you want, but the fact of the matter is that the youth of today are SEXUALLY ACTIVE. That means telling them to "abstain" from sex like it's some kind of horrible crime is NOT going to work. I am one of those who abstain, but it's because I have no particular interest in being romantically involved with anyone right now. I assure you, I'm in the minority. And so to tell these other people that they should just stop until they get married (and newsflash, not everyone wants to get married) is so incredibly laughable, I'm about to break out in tears. And look, I'm not denying that a few kids will be reached by the whole "abstinence" deal. But you know what, those kids will most likely be the ones who wouldn't have had sex ANYWAY, even without abstinence-only programs. For the rest, you might as well be talking to a wall.
I mean, remember those "Just say no" drug ads? Look how well THEY worked. You think people would learn after a while that for many adolescents, telling them "no" is just going to get them to say "yes." (Man, that was such a lame sentence.)
...so basically what I'm trying to get at is that a large majority of people in my age group are gonna have sex anyway, and they're gonna do it while you're cramming abstinence-only down their throats. The only question is, will they have sex with or without an STD-preventing condom?
***
On the bright side of things, our floor and the floor above had a dessert study break tonight, and I came back with 3 (thin) slices of cheesecake, a small cupcake, and an apple pie (I ate the pecan pie in the lounge). I'm especially enthusiastic about the cheesecakes. One's chocolate swirl, one's raspberry or strawberry swirl, and the other is plain. Aaaah....I'm so blissfully happy knowing that all this sweetness is sitting in my fridge, waiting for me to get the munchies. It's just so beautiful. *tear*
I also had a nicoise salad for dinner, and that was most yummy too, except I was defeated by the sheer size of it, and had to eat it in two sittings, separated by 2.5 hours.
...I'm also going to be 20 in a day.0_o Well, 2 days, if you count what's left of today. Hitting the big two-oh just doesn't sound very impressive though.^^; I'm still debating whether or not I should buy myself that sweatshirt-material blanket thing being sold at the bookstore. It's like 30 bucks, but it looks so comfy. I wants it really bad, like I wants that pencil case down there. *points to earlier entry* Plus, paying 30 bucks for a blanket somehow seems less outrageous than paying $9.34 bucks plus 8 bucks shipping for a pencil case. I think, anyway. I'm terrible with money. About all I know regarding it is, "Don't spend, and you shall have just barely enough to pay for loans after graduating." Which, I suppose, is enough for now, except that it makes me a very boring person. :p
Eyes Wide Open
This and this.
Just when you think the world is slowly moving forward, stuff like this pops up to remind you that we still have a LONG way to go.
Thinking on that led me to ponder civil rights. Which led to thoughts about the African American community. Which reminded me of the affirmative action issue. People against this policy are, I want to respectfully point out, missing a large chunk of the big picture. They're very insistant on equality, but there IS no equality. I would agree that affirmative action becomes unfair if blacks and whites are indeed "equal," but they're not. Black families are three times more likely to live in poverty than white families, and there are many complex reasons for this that do NOT include "blacks are just lazy" or "blacks are just stupid." The African-American community suffers from a serious lack of self-esteem as a whole, many black kids believing that not much is expected out of them in school anyway, which drastically affects performance. Perception is everything, after all. For those of you non-black people who scoff at the importance of this issue, thinking that they should just get over it, well, your ancestors weren't enslaved. You don't have to deal with going to school thinking that everyone else thinks they're better than you because they have a cooler skin color. It's ingrained into your culture, this self-consciousness, and it's hard to get rid of.
On the other hand, for those black people who scoff, DON'T. Congratulations for breaking the vicious cycle, and congratulations for making it, now turn around and help those who haven't. Let them see that they're worth something, so they'll be willing to strive for it.
Affirmative action, at least for now, shouldn't be under attack. Look, non-blacks (and I am one), you're not being threatened. You are already more privileged, even if you're poor (and I am as well), because there's no psychological baggage weighing down your entire culture. Just let these people have a chance to go to a college they might otherwise never get into, and let them realize their potential. Then one day, there won't be any need for affirmative action.
........
Ok, less emotionally charged things. I went to an animation screening today, and one of the pieces totally blew me away.^_^ It's called "Riba," and it's produced by One Plus One/Supinfocom, which is apparently an animation studio (or maybe it's a college group like Penn SIGGRAPH, I'm not sure) in France. It's about this guy who turns off street lanterns for a living, but he secretly just wants to play the piano all day. In the film snippet he had the face of a cat, with bent whiskers and delightful twitching ears and soft expressive eyes, because the cat is the ultimate symbol of a free spirit; the animal of the artist. He also had the most beautiful hands EVER. Such lovely, graceful, long fingers: a pianist's fingers, and when he put on a record and pretended to play the piano tears almost came to my eyes. I'll remember Riba forever, especially when I think about the perfection of hands, and why I love cats and the creative spirit, which time and again revives my faith in humankind.
Moshimo yurusareru nara
Title has nothing to do with entry, I'm just quoting from the song that's on. ("UNDO," by Cool Joke, OP for Hagaren.) Out of context, it could be, "If you can forgive me," "If I can forgive you," "If we can forgive..." Doncha just love Japanese?^_^
Paper status: I have an idea now. Thanks, Professor M, talking with you is like a lightning strike to the head.^_^
Favorite song status: "Zen" still tops the charts.
Favorite anime status: Otogizoushi is a fun romp, though the pacing's a bit weird at times. Watch it though, for the awesome OP sequence, if nothing else. "Tabibito yo, furimuku na. Sasurae yo kono kaze ni..."
Paycheck status: Deposited.
Fig Newton status: Bought.
Homework status: ................er.
Shall go, um, remedy that.XD
**EDIT** I want this so bad. But shipping is like, 8 @#$%ing dollars!!! *SOB* Why must things be so expensive?? Why must my work-study income be so low?? **END EDIT**
