Gates of Horn

One of those days...

When things don't turn out so great.

I've been sort of lonely and depressed for a while now, with no one really to talk to, and today I discovered I'm probably also homesick, but it got a little better after I talked to my sister and brother online (god, my brother is ONLINE. How time flies).

But I can't shake the feeling that something bad happened to a friend, and in two words: it sucks. I sit here and I feel pretty helpless and stupid, because I don't really know what's going on or what to do. The person probably needs privacy, but I never know when's the right time to give and when's the right time to be a little forward. Throughout it all I keep wondering if I'm just being really selfish in some way, or really petty because I want people to depend on me, but to be honest, who says I'm dependable? Maybe in the eyes of my friends I'm just annoying and...well, annoying. Not really someone you open up to, not really someone you look forward to seeing, but someone you just feel obligated to talk to because you've named me "friend."

...I think I've just named my worst fear. Should definitely talk about something else. *paces around and thinks*

...I've rediscovered a love for chocolate shakes. In fact, I really want one right now right now right now, even though the utilities bill is through the roof due to a stinking leaky toilet, and I should save money. A chocolate shake would be so nice after such a...bad day. Yeah, I guess today qualifies as a bad day. Days aren't really bad or good depending on what happens in it, but depending on what your mindset is when you're faced with what happens.

I've been drawing a lot too, and writing crap. I wouldn't say I'm drawing crap because I actually like what I'm drawing, but story-wise...@_@ Majo's b-day present is looming over my head. I hope she would like non-SR stuff too, because I am SO stuck on so many things.@___@

And on that happier note, good night all.

posted by Yayoi @ 7/12/2004 08:43:00 PM

Beauty

I saw a moth today.

But it wasn't just any moth. This thing was the size of my palm (about 3 inches), and god, it was beautiful, all oranges and yellows, with spots and stripes like something straight out of a kid's crayon doodles. The more I think about it, the more it makes me want to cry. We wanted a camera to capture it, but we couldn't manage to find one in time before it flew away. It was magic, so big and surreal and just bursting with color, and it was just sitting there, letting us watch it. And you know, it occurs to me, most people don't associate moths with beauty, they do that with butterflies. A moth isn't like a butterfly, which is sort of flimsy and dreamy with paper-thin wings and skinny body. It's kind of...ethereal. A moth is solid and sturdy, more down to earth. Yet I'm left here, feeling like I saw a piece of heaven.

I wish I had my color pencils.@_@

posted by Yayoi @ 7/11/2004 12:30:00 PM